I'll hold with me..the memories
Somewhere between all the changing and growing, somewhere along the path of life, somewhere between work and pretending to Work and then downright not working at all..between making plans and then breaking plans..from laughing at nothing to all play and no work..from books and poems..from utterly clueless and senseless chatter to silence..from ignorance to love..from talking to myself to singing in the shower..i learned what life is all about..i learned that pretending to be happy doesn’t make you happy..i learned that its ok to ask for help..and its ok to mess up things.. I learned its ok to complain to your friends for a whole day..i learned that sometimes the things you want most you just cant have and the things you look for are right in front of you..i learned that its ok to feel alone among a bunch of so-called-friends and above all I learned that just when you think it cant get worse..it does!! But with the love and support of some people in your life..you survive!! I learned that there is no such thing as maximum limit to endurance. just when you think you cant take anymore..He up there extends your bar of threshold and you are ready to take more.
Time goes on and on in endless zones. Sometimes the spark behind the loving eyes gets clouded by life’s cruel inhumane side but the moon always shines in the darkest of nights. Life always casts hopes and dreams, but they are also sometimes shot down in a second. But the beauty of my life is that when there’s no way out left i start finding the traces of destination. And I have learned that if it wasn’t for darkness, light of hope wud not have made its way.
I have learned that I am from myself, from all of my soul, from my friends and my family!
................................................................Aisha's state of mind on her b'day ...15th May 2007
fr3Aky...
Ok I accept am a freak.. a normal human being would not think about blankets and quilts in this flaming hot month of July. but I have this serious psycho disorder which doesn’t let me live without having my blanket and I cant think of sleeping if I don’t have it. My family made me realize many times that its not normal but recently the awkwardness I faced due to this sweet little wish of mine (to be provided with a blanket so that I can sleep) made me decide to carry my blanket with me wherever I go rather not to go anywhere in summers…. I went to stay at my cousin’s place and when I asked for a blanket so that I can sleep.. everyone was like shocked (as I had also requested not to turn on the air conditioner. its another story that I cant tolerate a.c. for more than fifteen minutes) and they made it so much a big deal that I was a bit guilty why I asked for it..but then I had to sleep man and I loveeeeeee sleeping so I made a point that I am serious and I need it..then my chachu made me climb up the iron ladder to drag the blanket from their store and then guess wot..everyone left me alone coz according to them they cant tolerate the sight of a thick blanket in this hot weather..so i mean this is tragic isn’t it.. anywayz it wasn’t over yet..the next morning I got up and found my cousins discussing with another cousin whoz a doctor about this abnormal behavior of mine and she suggested some tests for me ..now hellooww..does that really mean I am diseased..you can say I have some mental disorder but Only coz I feel cold in summers..doesnt make me SICK..waisey on a serious note I am thinking of applying some hypnotherapy..pata to chalay takleef kia hay mujhey..lol
..Touch mY h3Art...
Touch my heart and I'll touch yours
With a gentle word or two,
For kindness bears the sweetest fruit
That makes our dreams come true..
Touch my life with tenderness
And fill my cup with love..
Share my dreams as I share yours
Beyond the stars above...
Take my hand as I grow old
And lead me when I'm blind..
Show me that you really care
Touch my heart and I'll touch yours
A little more each day
And then we both find happiness
Somewhere along the way...
.................................................................Aisha's state of mind..1st July 2006 01 am
..aNd sO life mOvEs oN..
Another year disappeared…Somewhere the time lost the track of hope and travelled on..somewhere the hope took over every other thought and moved me on and on...i saw summer come...spring cry...autumn die…and winter high.. all these sun shines and downtimes made me snooty..i sang a song of silver shadows..i whistled the life’s most breathtaking rhymes and I faced the ugliest thunderstorms.. thats an ongoing process till I die…I inferred life is merely a phase..wots today will be vanished tomorrow....still as I look back i find that im a totally changed person than wot I was one year back..strange how life is.. unpredictable, surprising and most alluring at times.. happy that the waves of life moved me closer to the shore… moved me to an island of beautiful dreams and showed me the meanings of life..relationships..everything..made me a more composed person..so all in all it was a very very veryyyyyyyyyy good year that made me a stronger and better person than I was..
It’s always a strange feeling every year this day comes..but its stranger this time..i feel OLD now ..shh just turned 23!! and as my phupho said last nyte life has just begun for u…so now im wondering about the wonders in hold of tomorrow for me.. my life definitely displays God’s supreme artistry..
..........................................................
Aisha's state of mind..15th May 2006 05 am
...headaches...
Someone once described me as the “most stressed out mellow girl you’ll ever meet. Yet I tend not to bother people with all the craziness in my head.I like to be with people. But then I also like to get lost in myself, going deep under water, going almost non-verbal. And then come up for air, and then take a few more dives. They say "Excess of everything is bad" and they are Right...my mind needs rest!! its getting out of control God save me...plsss....though no doubt everything happens for a reason .. and i believe this time its a special and sacred purpose BUT i want things in command of myself.. there are many creepy abnormally abnormal things happening around me.. with me and with ppl around me..but i never thought to filter my thoughts and dreams and take them seriously before this one particular incident that happened yesterday and it scared me. i had a dream two days back about an accident and guess wot... a friend told me about being jammed in building elevator along with two more people for good two three hours and i was like damn.. i knew i saw all this in dream...its not something that happened first time with me ...that is foreseeing things and events but why am i having headaches... why..wots different this time and wot needs to be taken care of ... i dnt know..its not clear to me yet...
..endless dimensions...
April 13, 2006 1:52 am
Its not so long when they told me that there’s another dimension apart from three physical dimensions we are part of.. It opened up a new horizon for me.. A new and very motivating thought process started. I started getting answers to questions curled up in shackles of my mind since long. The motivation level was so high it would be justified to say I was convinced that this is the maximum my mind can grasp, this is the ultimate truth. Anyways time flew by and I started practicing things I have been taught with all my sincerity and good will. There were times when things were happening the way I wished them to be and I got more convinced that yes it works…wow!! I got some more positive energy more motivation and ultimately peace of mind… but then after a few days some friends started shattering my belief. They were of the opinion it’s anti-Islamic and it will lose my faith on Almighty Allah. I kept debating with them with the limited knowledge I had and kept convincing them as well as myself that no its only strengthening my faith its only making me good Muslim its only making me a better human being. But….but deep down with every passing day I was developing my doubts. I was getting scared of the time they predicted…time when I start to feel myself so strong to deviate me from my religion…but the journey was on and it was worth it… very fruitful for me as with every passing day I was having new experiences… though there’s nothing too magnificent to quote still life was interesting and peaceful!!!
The strongest convincing point Sumera always raised was that why indulge into such mind games when u can achieve all this by just praying from Allah with all your heart. I mean I am convinced yes she is right. If I look back, in 23 years of my life I got everything I wished for and even more Alhamdullilah and then I only used to pray …no such mind powers as they call it were there to work for me!! So why blow apart your focus and energy and specially MONEY!!
Now, first thing first, as I said earlier it was destined for me to get the knowledge at that time of my life… it was destined for me to get to know about another dimension I was oblivious from... Having said that now comes the part that where do I stand NOW? What is the motivation level? What happened with all those fears and stresses??
To start with, I want to confess that I am not writing this piece of material to convince anyone. I don’t care if anyone believes me or not. I am writing it coz I found myself bound to do that. I can’t and I don’t want to lose these precious feelings anymore. To many who will read this, it might be a vague and meaningless crap but its precious to me and that’s what matter!! There are gazillion of thoughts twisting in my mind right now and to grasp them all is a tough job but still I want to try so here I go:
God created human beings as ASHRAF UL MAKHLUKAT. Allah Almighty gave open invitation to His mankind to learn and explore. So I would like to take it as a primary knowledge to something more superior and ultimate. I want to learn it like a new subject in my syllabus of life. A great religious scholar said “ Mar jao marney sey pehlay” i.e “ die before dying” and it says it all. We as Muslims can not and should not try to emprison our brains to the set standard we were taught so far.
SO What was taught to me in this new dimension workshop? The spirit of it is that be a good human being, don’t harm anyone, only think POSITIVE, have FAITH in yourselves which ultimately leads you to have faith in Creator, be Motivated, concentrate your energies to something productive, creative and try to get to know the inner self… try to get to know the spirit within your body which is immortal and the TRUTH, try to get rid of feelings of hatred, insanity, try to surrender yourself to the Creator and YES!! I was trained that I should think of myself superior to all other creatures in this world because GOD gave me this superiority by giving me a free mind to think and decide for myself, as this distinguishes me from animals and other creations of Allah who are bound and can’t think beyond a certain set limit! So that’s what Islam teaches us, that’s what Prophets of Allah taught us, that’s what Waliullah preach us….and how can it lead to disaster or how can it lead to mistrust or loss of faith…It just cant!! It’s just ANOTHER way of doing things. Some good hundreds of years back if we study the history of Yogiz and Lamay’s its very obvious that they achieved all those POWERs by first becoming better human beings..they used to eat less, they used to help mankind… they used to talk less, think more about purpose of life given to them? That all can be easily back-rooted to the concept of TAQWA in islam. Though they were not Muslims but what we call “FANA FIN NAFS”….thats the Formula for their success….and that’s what I have been taught and it can be anything but distraction from religion!!
Now what happened to me?? with all these ambiguities and uncertainities I kept doing what I was supposed to do… and wow I got answers …not from anyone else…. My inner conscience answered me …justified me… satisfied me. so now from this day onwards there is not just a fourth dimension to me… there are endless dimensions… we are right now not even able to handle this one extra dimension and its like a fantasy world for us and its just because our faith is shaky. May Allah make me capable enough to understand His glory and splendor. Human body is bound to this physical plane but soul is set free… and its just the matter of time...Allah can just remove the covers from your eyes and you can see a whole new world. For there were pious people of Allah who were blessed with more than 300 knowledge’s of this world…and even more and there are people who extract hundreds of meanings from one verse of Holy Quran. I know and I believe that they are very blessed beings of Allah I am nothing but I can try to become better than who I am right now… I know we have got divine power and divine knowledge in form of Holy Quran and Prophets and Saints, and I have strong believe there is power in every word of Quran and if I meditate I can increase my awareness to a point where I might one day realize the truth of life and truth of my existence. And as our Prophet SAW said and I quote “ Jis ney apney aap ko pehchan lia usney apney RAB ko pehchan lia”. So why not take one step ahead and that too with confidence!!
so coming to the conclusion….. I have got a clue how to transform this Science …this Mind Science to a more spiritual thing…so from this day onwards I am gonna get all such knowledge without any hesitation and transform it according to my understanding and I have staunch believe God is there to show me more paths and more horizons are waiting there for me to be probed. May Allah give me strength and make me a better person and May Allah bestow His blessings and Noor on everyone including me and especially all those who are helping me in this journey (Ameen).
Shrouded in a Silver Angelic Aura...
It’s amazing how I managed to delve into the spirit realm. For the past so many years I had this feeling that deep down inside the darkness of my mind there is a whole new world and I kept feeling myself related to this unknown world. I was getting intimation, clues, vague and unfamiliar directions but was unable to grab the crux of all this. I kept waiting and waiting for the time to come when I would be able to wipe away the dust of my dreams and perceive clearly all that’s beyond my understanding. In this journey I kept looking for people who can understand my state of mind and help me get out of this mental obscurity but now I believe everything happens at the right time for the right cause. Anyways, fortunately happened to find a spiritual teacher who taught me how to look inside myself and he made me plunge in to the realm of unconscious. I am desperately looking forward to get hold of all these arbitrary thoughts and I have this feeling that I am already able to maneuver some of them and I would Inshallah be able to manipulate others in time to come. It has brought such a positive change in me that I am amazed. I am more focused now I know where I stand and what I want to achieve… It’s strange but it’s like something has changed… I feel a certain level of maturity in myself (good news for my mum ... she wont believe it so easily)...it is like someone is giving me directions… telling me in which direction I have to move from this point in my life and its an AMAZING Feeling to realize that this someone is not anyone else…but MY Very Own Self…a part of me that was sleeping till now…I have a worth and I exist… and besides that there is a reason to my existence.. Which was vague by now… if u had asked me few months back what I want from life I would have looked at you for a moment given u a loud laugh and ignored the question…I cant do it anymore and its good… as you get to know your own self and the purpose of your existence u are on your way towards getting to know the Almighty upthere…and trust me this voyage is marvelous!!
